I remember in my early to mid-20s when people my age started getting married. It kind of weirded me out, because I was nowhere near ready, but I thought maybe I should be? And one day, as I Facebook-stalked some Facebook friend's honeymoon photos, I found myself thinking how great it would be to get married.
And then I realized I didn't give a shit about getting married at all -- I just wanted to go to Hawaii.
In general, I've never been the girl who has had her wedding planned since childhood. I don't know what kind of wedding I'd want or what my dress should look like or what the colors would be or anything like that. But I do have a lengthy list of locales I wouldn't mind visiting for honeymoon purposes or otherwise.
Similarly, I'm not one for celebrity gossip. I don't really know or care what most of them do with their lives TBH. I'm just out here trying to live MY best life, you know? This might be why I like Who Weekly? so much. Funny stories about C- and D-list celebrities who I've *MAYBE* vaguely heard of is entertaining AF, and it makes me feel like it's not just that I'm too old and uncool just because I have no idea who they are.
But recently, I have found myself utterly fixated on one particular celebrity wedding/honeymoon.
I've been following Hannah Bronfman for several years now. I have no idea how I came across her, but I enjoy her fitness and lifestyle website and I was irrationally excited that her family's name graces the Jewish organization at NYU.
So imagine my delight when she had the most absurd wedding ever to her socialite/DJ fiance and Instagrammed and Instastoried the shit out of it.
First, the two spent a week or so at a "wellness center" in Spain, eating macrobiotics, wearing robes, and working out all the time. Then, they headed to Marrakech, Morocco, where they met up with all their friends and family and celebrated their wedding with a string of parties for what seemed like three or four days. For the wedding itself, Hannah wore EIGHT dresses. She also brought her manicurist with her and had a different manicure every day.
I realize they sound sickening, but I actually really like them (she says, like she knows them). I've been telling my friends about it because I am completely fascinated, and I keep describing her as a who. The best part about this is SHE IS ACTUALLY THE WHO OF THIS WEEK'S WHO WEEKLY?
So anyway, as you can imagine they had a crazy honeymoon, traveling all along the coast of Italy, and it got me thinking about other honeymoon destinations I'll never experience.
HANNAH BRONFMAN + BRENDAN FALLIS: ITALY
OK, I studied abroad in Italy and I saw some beautiful places, but GODDAMN, these two seemed to find the ACTUAL most beautiful places in the world along the coast of Italy in the swankiest hotels. Aside from a foray into Rome to see actual sights, as far as I can tell, they spent the entire time on yachts and eating amazing food.
PIPPA MIDDLETON + JAMES MATTHEWS: FRENCH POLYNESIA + SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA
Also recently married is Kate Middleton's sister and some really British-looking guy. Being fake-royal and all, there are no crazy Instagrams of their wedding, but my 30-second research in the form of a Google tells me the honeymoon to a private island and onto Syndey cost about half a mil USD (if I'm doing my pound-to-dollar math right, which as we all know, is a big "if"). And of course, her wardrobe apparently cost almost as much.
GABRIELLE UNION + DWAYNE WADE: MALDIVES
Confession: While I've heard of the Maldives, and I know they're super swanky, geography whiz that I am, I have no fucking clue there they are. But honestly, look at the color of that water. I am sold.
SOLANGE KNOWLES + ALAN FERGUSON: BAHIA, BRAZIL
Well, I guess Solange is either off Instagram now, or just took her honeymoon photos down, but luckily Vogue had them because they are good for "giving us a lesson in color blocking." Sure. The photos are stylized within an inch of their lives, and yeah. Of course I want to go to Bahia. Also who is Alan Ferguson?
BEHATI PRINSLOO + ADAM LEVINE: SOUTH AFRICA
Ugh, these fucking whos, amirite? So many questions about this -- isn't she FROM South Africa? That would be like me honeymooning in Owings Mills, right? Why are they in a blowup pool? Who is that guy? WHAT IS HAPPENING? Yeah, they irritate the hell out of me, but South Africa would be a dream destination, fo sho.
So, people who follow celebrities way more than I do, where did I miss? Whose honeymoon is the most extravagant of all?