Unless you live under a rock, you might have noticed that these days seem to be indicative of the End Times. A megalomaniac reality TV star with the mentality of a 5-year-old is leader of the free world, the weather is more batshit than usual, and in general, the entire world just seems to be losing its damn mind.
The absurdity has even reached the travel world, and luckily some of the headlines are so ridiculous, they're funny. Besides, if you can't laugh at this shit, you'll cry.
I figure we can start this little news roundup with Trump supporters, because nothing makes me laugh more than stupid people.
Earlier in March, Trump and Co. released Muslim travel ban 2.0. Since, you know, 1.0 was deemed discriminatory by courts and people with brains all over the country, it was a no-go. When a judge in Hawaii blocked the second version due to ITS similarly discriminatory nature, Trump, ever the genius, pointed out that it's just a watered-down version of 1.0...which...doesn't make it sound like it is less legally dubious than the first. But I digress.
The real story here is the legions of Trump supporters and xenophobic idiots who called for a boycott of Hawaii. First of all, LOL -- sure, let's "boycott" a whole state, whatever that means. But let's assume they mean they're boycotting travel to Hawaii.
I'm sure Hawaiians and borderline decent humans alike will be happy to keep paradise free of dolts.
My personal favorite strand of these #BoycottHawaii tweets are from geniuses like this one:
YEAH, WHAT DO HAWAIIANS KNOW ABOUT ATTACKS?!
Personally, Hawaii is at the top of my list.
[Sidebar: A judge in Maryland followed up with a similar block, but no one was like #BoycottMaryland! Hmm...wonder why...]
Also earlier this March, some travel news comes to us via Wikileaks. Among the many leaks Wikileaks..err..leaked, was a document of tips distributed to spies by the CIA. Some of these almost seem too good to be true. I HIGHLY recommend you check these out via The Economist. One Jen and I can back up:
Flying Lufthansa: Booze is free so enjoy (within reason)!
Flying United: My condolences, but at least you are earning a United leg towards a status increase.
In fact, I might argue the rewards are not worth flying United. I feel vindicated that the U.S. intelligence community knows that domestic airlines are horseshit too, United in particular. Onion sandwich, anyone?
Another useful tip?
Security officials, it noted, are more likely to single out travellers who exhibit “shaking or trembling hands, rapid breathing for no apparent reason, cold sweats, pulsating carotid arteries, a flushed face, and avoidance of eye contact”.
In other words, don't be like me smuggling raw milk cheese. Yikes.
United also rounds out this travel news summary with this gem. That's right, they broke the cardinal travel rule Jen and I are constantly preaching to spend your hours en route in something comfortable like leggings, i.e., travel pants.
A United passenger live-tweeted United agents making a 10-year-old girl change into a dress and out of leggings because they deemed the leggings inappropriate. Aside from the obviously inappropriate and misogynist problems with that is the sheer absurdity of it.
United then DEFENDED its decision, pointing out that the 10-year-old was a "pass" flyer, part of a friends and family benefits program they have that allows members to fly free. These passengers are required to adhere to a certain dress code, and United determined that the girl was not in line with the dress code.
Twitter hilarity ensued.
Did I miss anything else this month? And are we living in the Upside Down?