Everyone has something they're self-conscious about. For me, it's my legs. And when I ran a 10K in New York earlier this summer, I wore capri workout pants, as I do. Everyone else asked how I got through the heat without wearing shorts instead.
To be honest, I don't think that extra little bit of material is really going to bring my core body temperature *that* much higher, but whatever. A couple weekends ago, I went outlet shopping and absolutely demolished the Under Armour outlet. Among my purchases were *gasp* a pair of lime green running shorts. Perhaps I was succumbing to peer pressure, but I figured my friends were right. It's crazy hot here in the mid-Atlantic, and besides, fuck anyone who looks poorly among my legs.
So now the Navy-Air Force Half Marathon is less than a week away, and I've been training away...now with some new gear! Last week, when the temp was over 90 and the humidity wasn't far behind, I decided to give my new shorts a go.
It was the kind of humidity that you walk out in and immediately have a film of something (sweat? water? pollution?) all over your body. It's hard to breathe and there's no way any sweat will evaporate from your skin in your body's effort to cool you off.
Lo and behold, by the time I returned home, there were rivers of sweat pouring off of me, despite the inarguable shitty quality of my run.
After guzzling a bottle of water, I walked upstairs to stretch. I took one look at myself in the mirror and realized my new shorts were not only soaked through, they were now see-through. COMPLETELY SEE-THROUGH. Now, they come with their own built-in underwear, and I was wearing underwear (Under Armour of course) under those, but I mean. Let's just say I'm thankful I didn't bend over anywhere on my run, and I will not be wearing those shorts during my race.
That said, I'm still a giant whore for all my Under Armour clothes, and if I was any kind of a real runner, people might think UA would be sponsoring me (ha). Here is what I am packing for the D.C. race.
1. Inspire 200 for Women, Yurbuds $29.99
These earbuds are the first ones I've had that actually stay in my ears when I run, and when they're off, the magnets in them attract to each other, limiting tangled wires.
2. American Flag Bandana, Michael's $2.19
I am not one for flag paraphernalia, but since Jen is sitting this one out with an injury and cheering me on, I want to make myself as recognizable as possible -- and since it's a military run, I feel like this time is as good as any to find my jingoism.
3. Baller Racerback Tank Top, Macy's $24.99
Truth be told, I don't own this. Yet. #lifegoals
4. Chocolate Outrage Energy Gel, GU Energy Gel $34.80
These are great for a little kick in the ass to start a race and then halfway through. A friend of mine told me she ate one halfway through her half marathon, and it was "like a cattle prod to the ass." I personally prefer the chocolate outrage flavor, since it tastes like rich chocolate pudding, and who wouldn't want that pre-race?
5. UA Heat Gear Legging, Under Armour $44.99
The bright stripes on the back of these pants will keep me noticeable for cheering purposes, and I've tested them; no see-through sweat incidences.
6. UA Icon Pant, Under Armour $69.99
These long, comfy, waterproof pants will be great to change into post-race (and pre-shower) for brunch with the Epstein clan.
7. Reflect Sports Hoo Ha Ride Glide, Amazon $19.99
I have an, um, chafing problem up top when I run long distances. The girls just don't want to stay still. So my Iron Man-competing friend recommended this chafe-proof cream invented for bikers' lower regions (DZ Nuts for the gentlemen).
8. UA Speedform Apollo Vent Running Shoes, Under Armour $79.99
I know running snobs and running shoe stores look down on Under Armour as a specific running shoe brand, but these lightweight, supportive kicks have worked well for me. Much better than the Nike Frees that Jen totes around Europe (and that gave me knee problems when I was only huffing and puffing my way through a mile at a time). Plus my UAs are hot, are they not?
9. Armour Bra 2.0, Under Armour $59.99
Just like I need the Hoo Ha Glide, I need a legit bra for running. The Armour bra is actually bra-sized (because I mean really, whose boobs come in small, medium, or large?), it is "high-impact," and it's still comfortable. It keeps my boobs from moving thanks to an inside "sling," that I read about on the tag. Haha. Boob sling.
10. Tune Belt Armband for iPhone 6, Amazon $16.95
True story. My arm band disappeared for a few days, and I had no idea where I had put it. A few days later, I walked out to my car to go to work and there it was, sitting in the middle of the street. It had clearly been run over several times, but under $20 and all it needed was to go through the washing machine once and it was as good as new, so this is what I'll use to listen to some good running music as the miles (hopefully) melt away.
Here's hoping all my gear will keep me from having to have some poor Midshipman scrape me off the streets of D.C.