I'm sure by now you all have heard that SkyMall has gone bankrupt. Uh, RIP, SkyMall.
I have to admit, I've done nothing to support the success of SkyMall. I've taken the SkyMall catalog out of the seat in front of me approximately zero times in all my travels. And when my best friend registered on SkyMall for her wedding, I was like HAHAHA that's hilarious, but no. You're on your own with that SkyMall table, but I will sleep on the SkyMall air mattress when I come to visit. Alas, despite Carly's valiant support, SkyMall went bust.
And honestly, why would I buy from SkyMall? What does SkyMall have that I can't get anywhere else?
A lot apparently.
As it turns out, SkyMall is stocked with truly unique gems that you really couldn't find anywhere else with the exception of a few items that you might find in a Spencer's at Owings Mills Mall just because. Not having ever looked at the catalog, I didn't know this but once I embarked on research for this post (taking one for the team, y'all), I discovered that SkyMall really does have the "coolest stuff on the planet." "Stuff" being the operative word. So if you or your significant other didn't find satisfaction with our Valentine's Day Gift Guide, why don't you hop over to SkyMall and do your part to please your significant other AND bring an esteemed institution out of the red and into the black.
Seriously, where else would you be able to find...
Of the many things I would shell out 100 bucks for, a corner table in the shape of an alien would probably be at the top of the list. I don't love all the secondhand furniture in my house, so when I decorate a new place, I sure hope SkyMall is still around so I can make Roswell the newest resident of my home. Not creepy at all.
THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE BECAUSE WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO PEE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND CAN'T FIND THE TOILET?!??!!111!? Like, I guess you could turn on the light, but where's the fun in that?
According to SkyMall, "Bob's legions of fans, although devoted, are not available for 24/7 worship. Fortunately, this treasure chest of cheer is here to step in and save the day. Every time the lid is opened, a perky voice pipes up: 'Lookin' good, Bob,' 'You sure are sexy, Bob,' 'Way to go, Bob,' and 'You're the man, Bob.'"
SkyMall is basically like fuck you if your name isn't Bob, and double fuck you if your name is Pete Campbell.
Jen and I traveled to Paris and Barcelona on only slightly more than what this chair from SkyMall costs. Because yes, it's a chair, and not a throne, and even if you have $1250 to piss away, you are still not King Tut, you ass hat. "I wish I spent my tax refund on King Tut's throne," said no one ever. Sorry SkyMall, I know it's wrong to speak ill of the dead, but you kind of had bankruptcy coming with this one.
In case you never hunted an animal worth stuffing and mounting but want people to think you have but also don't want them to think you're good enough to shoot something better than a squirrel...? "Perfectly cute and kitschy, this little acorn-hoarder is sculpted in super-realistic resin (no squirrels were harmed in the making of this trophy). " Yeeeeah, sure...cute and kitschy. Totally.
I just...I don't know where to go with this. It's so inexplicable it doesn't even need an explanation, does it? What can I say, at least SkyMall isn't going the cliche route and objectifying women?
Rest in peace, SkyMall. You were a true original.